Why the Brokeness?

   The past few days have been...um..."adventurous", if that's what you want to call it. Work has been the most interesting lately because of the fact that I've had more of a realization of how broken our world really is. I like to have that kind of "revelation" re-revealed to me from time to time. For instance, at work I saw a guy looking at pornography on the computer so I reported him. I mean just to think that this man is so lost that he wallows around in the degradation and objectification of women to satisfy him! My feelings for him weren't of hate or dislike, but of actual sadness because of his lost state. Many people may have heard of Jesus, but most of the time He is just "a man" to them and they don't realize the gift He gave to them. They would rather immerse themselves more in every sinful act because it's "fun" than even give a  thought of hearing about Christ. And the worst thing is, is they always "feel something missing" every time! It's frustrating and sad to see. Another incident at work expresses this state of people. Yesterday (Saturday) we had a volunteer at the library and she was probably in her early to mid-twenties. She noticed my mellow attitude and how I just did my work without complaining or showing any sign of disgust. So she told me that I look tense and that I need to just loosen up. She asked if I had been to any crazy parties, took drugs, or gotten drunk. When I said "no" to all of that, she said I was wasting my life and that I need to have fun and get drunk because it's "fun". She laughed at my responsibility with my finances and kept on talking about my "wasted life". She then asked if I was a "church boy" and I said that I'm not a church boy, but that I do go to church and worship God (I should have used the term "follower of Christ", but I didn't and I still regret it). She continued to persecute me for that and my decision to be Christ-like. And you know? I didn't feel hurt about being made fun of, but I felt more pain for her and her lostness. She gets drunk, gambles, and parties in order to have fun, but she has no idea how much she is wasting her life instead of me! It was quite an experience and it was the first time I was heavily persecuted for my faith and decisions. I still pray for her and hope she will see the Truth instead of chasing the meaningless lies of Satan.

   And I want to touch back on the objectification of women for just a bit. It makes me pretty upset seeing how boys and men would look at women in such a sexually explicit manner! Why can't they see women for who they are and not what they look like?! Why can't they love their girlfriends or wives for their character and the person they are instead of sex partners?? It's insane! I know I hate accidentally seeing any pornographic images (just like at the library the other day) because I want to save my eyes for my future wife! Objectification of women makes me mad and so many Christians slowly start to accept it as normal!! Why is that?!?! I mean it's one thing to accidentally see skimpy images of women, but to intentionally look?? That's a whole different story! Anyways, I just needed to get this stuff off my mind and out because otherwise it eats me up inside. God is amazing and better than anything this world offers and my vision and hope is that everyone (Christians and non-Christians alike) will see that!

The Game of Life...Not a Game

   If my brain was the ocean, it would be stirred up in a bad storm. I think too much. Everything from school assignments being due, paying my bills, figuring out what college to go to, how to get into youth ministry, getting a wife, raising kids, you get the picture. Perhaps I think a little too much, you know? It's tough though. I'm now at an age where everything I've ever dreamed about being a "grown-up" is becoming a reality. I have a car, a job, an education that somehow (I believe because of God) I'm able to afford, and now, lately, I've been thinking about the rest of my future. Where is God gonna place me with the ministry He has called me to? Am I ever gonna get married? Will I raise kids at some point in life? I would love to see my future, yet I'm glad I don't. I'm sure it'd be a scary thing to see at my age. Seriously, my life is slowly unfolding. I'm beginning to see the greater things God is doing and it's pretty mind-blowing. I'm afraid of what might happen in the near future. Decisions are gonna have to be made and I just hope with His guidance that I make the right ones. I've been thinking about going to a Bible college to continue my education in Biblical studies. I found a Bible college that actually has online classes, which would allow me to keep my job and still get my AA degree in pastoral leadership (where I think God is leading me). I may have to sacrifice a lot in order to follow Him. What or who will I have to give up for His sake? Only time will tell. I just hope I have people and friends sticking by my side through it all :) As Gandalf the White says, "The board is set, the pieces are moving". That they are....

Make HIM Your Life, Not Part of It

   So many thoughts are surrounding my head lately. I can't entirely grasp what God is doing. He's been in the work the past few days, but I don't know what He's up to yet. One thing I notice in my relationship with God is this: I never really see how everything turns out and what God is doing until I look back. I mean really, do I understand how everything is working together in the moment? Not at all! Until I see the "finished product" (meaning the outcome of things), only then does everything make a little more sense than before.

   Right now I'm trying to balance my priorities in life, namely: Jesus, others, myself (That's a good definition of true JOY: Jesus, Others, Yourself). It's quite tough because at times, Jesus starts to slip from the top of the list to like number 2, and number 2 becomes number 1. And that's not how I want it to go. I've learned the hard way where that leads. Although, I had a new concept introduced to me recently. I believe it was David Platt who said that our lives shouldn't be consisted of a priority list with Jesus first and everything following after that; Jesus should be our everything, encompassing every aspect and person in our lives. He shouldn't be placed on the same list as our friends, family, gifts, etc. It shrinks Him actually. So now, what I want to work on is making Christ my all in every part of my life. In fact, He shouldn't be a "piece of the pie" in our lives, but the pie itself! It's tough, but I know it's worth it in the end! :)

Another Day Lived, Another Day Learned

    Life never fails to throw curve balls at me. I'm not saying curve balls are bad, but it just can catch you off guard at times, that's for sure. So I've been thinking lately about my future in youth ministry and got some advice from my pastor, which was pretty tight! I'm just excited about getting in ministry, but I wanna make sure that I'm really and truly prepared for the "real world", so to speak. God still continues to form me and lead me to where I need to go. He also answered a prayer today; a prayer I thought that would never be answered, at least in the way of how I was hoping for it to be answered. Sometimes what we desire to do or have happen falls in line with God's Will. It doesn't mean everything we desire is God's Will, it can just coincide with what He's going to do. The past few months I've been maturing like crazy and it can be scary. But I see it more as an adventure than "horrible". I believe God is up to something right now and I'm just gonna pray and see where He goes with this. The roller coaster of life continues to reveal its twists and turns, but it's not so bad. All I have to say is: I'm so thankful for friends :)

Where God is Working, Opposition Makes Its Way

    Getting more knowledge of God, His Word, and sacrificing everything to follow His calling in my life; growing in my relationship with Him more every day; talking to Him and receiving His responses in His Word and through other believers does not make Satan very happy. The more I've been desiring God and His Will for my life, the more Satan likes to come in and discourage me. I knew this would happen at some point because Satan can't tolerate when any believer is getting closer to God. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone because I'm growing in Christ and giving up things and risking my life for the ministry He is calling me to. I'm not! I never consider myself better than anyone, especially when it comes to faith in Christ! And never get that idea about me. I admit that I've thought that about other believers who were so on fire for God. And I'm not proud of that. Experiencing what they experienced has changed my mind about the many believers I have judged ever so wrongly! I'm stepping out of that mindset.

   So, as I was saying, Satan has been putting attacks on me now and it's pretty easy to tell when it's him. Jesus said that the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. If you experience discouragement that is draining you of your passion for God or your life in general, that's probably Satan trying to drag you down. He wants to kill the relationship you have with Christ and he wants to destroy it! That's his mission. The further you are away from God, the less Satan will attack because why would he waste his time on someone who isn't a threat to him? On the other hand, if a believer in Christ is continually growing in Him, Satan feels threatened because he knows God is going to use that person greatly to spread the Gospel, and he can't tolerate that! Pastors, missionaries; anyone in some sort of ministry that is advancing the Gospel and God's unconditional love to the lost people of this world experience more spiritual warfare than those who aren't living their lives completely to Christ. That's what sometimes makes me afraid of getting into ministry. I know Satan's attacks are going to be prevalent. But even though Satan is stronger than me, God is stronger than Satan! I have nothing to fear with God by my side! If God is for us, then who can be against us? Spiritual warfare is as real as your hand in front of your face. It's not a ploy to keep Christians in check. It's reality. And ignorance of that is the first step for Satan to take in order to bring you down. I'm gonna rely on God and His truth! Pray for me...the changes God is making in my life can be scary sometimes because I know I'm setting foot on a risky path that God is in control of. I'm trying to get used to it as much as I can. It's real. It's happening. It's God!

Being Molded

This week I finished all of my class assignments a day before they were due, haha! Which meant I had one good, free day to spend doing whatever. So today after church, I had the desire to go out to the beach, even when it was pretty chilly outside. So I drove out there and there weren't many people even on the beach, which was nice! I don't really like suffering claustrophobia with too many people around :P The weather was actually much nicer than I expected. It wasn't as cold, but it was slightly breezy which made it kinda chilly, yet bearable. It was definitely a nice day for the beach and, of course, I spent my time there admiring God's awesome creation, thanking Him for everything He has blessed me with, and talking to Him about my future and what He's currently doing in my life. I knew He was listening; I had peace within me that was too amazing to be from myself. If I could describe in just one word the changes and works God is doing in my life, I would say "transformation". God is totally reshaping my heart, desires, and passion. I know I'm being molded into the person He wants me to be. He's the Potter and I'm the clay. And really, I've been excited and filled with complete joy over many things in my life, but I tell you this: I have never been more excited or more joyful than completely following God's calling in my life! I seriously cannot even begin to explain the joy to you! I hope that many of you will be able to experience what I'm experiencing, but until then, I'm gonna sound like a broken record; repeating and repeating and repeating... I can't control the joy, and frankly, I don't want to! God is awesome and I'm changing every second of every day and I'm totally ready to get out and start doing what God is calling me to do! I'm willing and ready to sacrifice anything and everything for the sake of following Christ! :)