August 18, 2011

God, Changes, and Decisions

From August of 2010 to August of 2011, I have experienced a lot of different changes in my life. Not only did I experience changes out of my control, but I also experienced changes that God morphed in me. I look back a year ago and see a nearly-nineteen-year-old kid who thinks he knows what growing up is like. A kid who thinks that he's got things figured out. A kid who thinks he's maturing a lot. Hindsight is 20/20, and when I look back, I can see that I didn't know what growing up was like, I didn't have things figured out, and I wasn't maturing in the way I thought I was. God sure has an interesting way of growing us. Even though I don't normally like it, I know it's good for me. It teaches me a lot about trusting His timing. And that annoys me sometimes. His timing. I don't know about you, but doesn't hearing that phrase sometimes make you cringe? It does to me, especially when I think I know what's best. I'll be honest, it is tough for me to trust God at times. I won't deny it. Who doesn't have a tough time with trusting God? I think it's natural for our response to God to be, "God, I'm sorry, but I don't understand why You're doing what You're doing. Why don't You try this? It might be better!" Just because it's our natural response though, doesn't mean it is the right response. I'm currently working on that right now.

Have you ever been in a situation where you're not sure if you should do something in your own power and it seems like God isn't revealing that answer to you? (Obviously, this isn't a hypothetical situation that I'm referring to) It's frustrating, I tell you! It drives me nuts, but then I feel if I actually do something about it, I'll blow everything out of proportion and ruin what I have. Recently, God has been pressing a lot on my heart; about my life and others in my life. I'm trying to sort everything out in my heart, but sometimes I feel as if I'm wasting time. I ask and pray and ask and pray and ask again, but what answer am I looking for? I don't even know. Although, the one word that I have been hearing a lot is "wait". Wait. I have a strange disliking for that word. It means I can't do/or get what I want or what I think what's best for me right now. It means I have to hang around and see what God does. But when is He going to do anything? And am I going to like it or not? It's almost like I'm in suspense or something and I've never been much of a fan of suspense movies :P

So how does this all tie in together? I just know that I see things in a whole different light than before and I know what I gotta do and say. It's just...when? Well, only God can reveal that to me in His timing and I'll have to trust that for now. Easier said than done though...I need His strength and wisdom :)

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Philippians 4:13

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