December 21, 2011

Where's God Going With This?

Well, Christmas is right around the corner and it sure does not feel like it! Maybe it's because the weather is in the high 70's and low 80's during the day. Or perhaps it's because I haven't done a lot of Christmas shopping. Or maybe I have been too busy with school, work, and ministry to even notice. Whatever it is, the same result comes about. But I sure love the Christmas season and I try to enjoy it as much as I can!

I finally got my A.A. degree so now I'm officially done with SPC! It feels great, but it doesn't feel real. It took exactly 4 years to achieve and I got about that much left for my Bachelor's. This will test my patience :P All I know is that God is leading me and my life into full-time ministry. The question is: where? To be honest, I have been trying to figure this out lately. I know that God has given me the passion and burden for youth ministry (and that's what I'm studying right now), but my heart has redirected and I can't quite figure out if it's me or God. Along with youth ministry, I have always had the passion, desire, and burden for foreign missions. The only reason why I didn't pursue it is because God opened more doors to youth ministry than foreign missions. Perhaps that's because I never attempted pursuing foreign missions as well as youth ministry? I couldn't say. I have thought about going into foreign youth ministry, but my heart's desire (as it is tuning in to God's desire) is reaching the unreached and not youth in particular. There are over 3,500 people groups who have never heard the name Jesus Christ and that just kills me. I don't feel like hanging back here in America when many people all over the world are not hearing about Jesus and many Christians are not willing to go out there and share the Gospel. I don't know, maybe this is just a phase or maybe God is truly leading me and I'm actually listening. I just don't understand why I'm feeling this way! I am continuously praying for His guidance and leading and I ask you readers to please pray for me as well. I feel as if I have mistakenly chased my feelings and not God's leading into youth ministry. But as I look at the situation and how everything fell into place, it just seems all too clear that this is where I need to be. As I said, I'm really confused right now. Good thing that it's all in God's hands and not mine :)

I also have the opportunity to give the message to the youth group at Pathways! One thing I failed to do the last two times I did the sermons was to share the Gospel. I regret that. But now, I have the chance again and this time, the Gospel will be proclaimed! I pray that God will work through me and that He will be glorified! Please be praying for that too! It happens on December 28th!

As always, may God be glorified in all things! :)

December 01, 2011

It's That Time of Year Again

The Christmas season is now upon us. I tell you what, each year is going by faster and faster! Unfortunately, I don't think it matters how many clocks I break, it just won't change anything. Oh well, haha!

I really like the Christmas season. Even though I don't get snow, I still like the cooler weather, the smell of chimneys, and looking around at Christmas lights. The sad thing is, with all those things, we are missing it all. In today's world, Christmas is a time of family, gift-giving, baking, Christmas lights, and, in some places, snow. You might as well call it "Mas season" 'cause there sure isn't any mention of Jesus Christ. I used to not get saddened by this fact earlier on in life, but nowadays it seems to bother me a lot. I'm not saying that that's bad; only that, it seems, God is really changing my heart for sure! It's what Christians go through until the end of the age: sanctification. It's the process of God changing our hearts and our lives; making us become more like Him; preparing us for sharing the Good News about Jesus Christ and what He did on the cross! More and more, my mind is conforming to God's likeness and I start to have the same perspective that He has and the same goals that He has. Nothing satisfies me more than that!

I only have three assignments and one exam left of this semester and then I'll have my A.A. degree! God has faithfully pulled me through the amount of work I have gone through and I trust that He will do the same for the next part of His journey for me during Bible college! I have a lot of work ahead, but I'm remaining faithful to His will!

For those of you who are "waiting for God's will in your life", here's my advice: just move. By waiting, it gives you a reason to not do anything, thus resulting in you thinking that God is just going to, at some point, randomly reveal to you His whole plan for you. That's not how God seems to work (and this is according to His word). In actuality, Satan's using that to immobilize you, to prevent the Gospel from spreading. See what gifts God has given you and then just pray and move in a direction. If God doesn't want that for you, He'll close the door and you can get moving again. You repeat the process until you go through the right door and He'll lead you from there. Think of it like a scavenger hunt: each clue leads you to the next clue until you find the prize. Little by little, God will lead you to the next step until the end. Don't expect a revelation in one sitting; expect a lifelong revelation until the day you stand face-to-face with Him! "God cannot steer a parked car."

November 13, 2011

Ending One Chapter; Beginning Another

I can't wait for this semester to end! Only a month left and it feels like the speed got slower! It always seems to go that way of course. But either way, I got my big four-page paper for math class (yes, lame, I know) out of the way! That pretty much precedes the end of both my classes because it's not so bad from here on out.

Two weeks ago, I officially signed up and enrolled into my classes at Trinity! So far I got my books (all twelve of them!) coming in the mail and it just gets me more excited about starting! Granted, it is going to be a tough few years ahead of me, but I know that it is going to be so worth it in the end! It's not like I'm taking subjects that mean nothing to me (like algebra). I'll be taking classes that will truly prepare me for my career in youth ministry! I started going through some of my new books, at least the ones that came in the mail. It just made me realize how blessed I am to be going into this career path. God has amazingly provided a great college for me to get the necessary education and training! And it works perfectly for me! I get to keep my job and my car and I still can be involved in youth ministry at the same time! God is so good :)

Right now I'm trying to be a little more social. I'm not much of a social butterfly, but I realize that if I want to be a youth pastor, I really need to get out there and start talking to people. I gotta say, it hasn't been easy, but I think I'll get the hang of it in time. At least I had better!

For all of you reading this, I still desire your prayers for me. I wanna be sure that my heart, soul, strength, and mind is in love with our awesome God! And I wanna also be sure that I put that much effort in loving people as well! Even the people who are unlovable! It's super important. I also ask that you pray that I remain faithful to God's plan and will and that I faithfully step out as He guides and steers me. Pray also that I continue to get into the Word and not just read it, but also live it! I utter the same words as the apostle Paul, "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."-Philippians 3:13-14

October 22, 2011

My Passion, My Life

   Sometimes, I am amazed at how life has its "ups" and "downs", but through it all, God never changes. To be honest, I could choose to mope around and be depressed about the negative events that happen in my life, but I find that's not even worth my time and energy (especially compared to the many people in this world who are experiencing worse by far!). All to often, Christians focus on getting their life right and comfortable and rarely spend time thinking about the Great Commission. The Great Commission to them is tithing, praying, going to church, listening to Joy FM, changing their "religious views" to "Christian" on Facebook, and praying before eating (in no particular order). Now I know that this descriptive list kind of seems comical (which it sort of is), but it is also serious because I see many Christians who, sadly, fit this description. I'm not saying that doing all these things are bad (because they sure aren't), but if that is how our lives are determined as Christians, then there is a problem. I, for one, do not want my life to be based on how comfortable it is, but mostly by what I am doing for the Gospel. My main concern is, "how can I spread and/or aid the spread of the Gospel?" I find no other reason for my life than that.

   Last week, my dad and I (after looking over my finances) discovered that I won't be needing a second job in order to afford Bible college for the next 5 years! God is good! He not only provides my needs in general, but most importantly, He provides my needs in order to share the Gospel with the world! These aren't provisions to make my life more comfortable, but to make my life uncomfortable with a much greater vision than the American Dream. I'm looking forward to see where God takes me from here!

   Two days ago, I had the awesome opportunity to go to a homeless-shelter-kind-of-thing, called Pinellas Hope. The homeless people there live in a community of tents, shacks, and (for some) in apartments. It is a pretty sweet ministry and I was blessed to be a part of it! But I have a confession to make: I never wanted to go. That's right, I was selfish and I never went because I didn't want to. I never really knew what to expect, but I thought I wasn't gonna like it. The thing is, even if I didn't like it, does that define whether I should go again or not? No! When being a follower of Jesus, that means you are going to have to do things that you don't necessarily want to do. And you know? I loved it there! All we did is play Bingo and just hang out with the people (and of course we gave them provisions that they needed). Even though that's "all we did", that was huge for the people there! It was such a blessing and I can't wait until next month's trip!

   Recently, I've been learning how to evangelize (effectively share the Gospel and doing it in love). Part of me still has fear and another part of me doesn't quite feel ready, but everyday I pray for an opportunity. Co-workers of mine know of my relationship with Christ and my pursuit of being a youth pastor and many of them have a Christian background of some sort, so there is definitely a "breeding ground" for the Gospel to be shared in my own work place! I just don't want to be afraid of sharing.

   In light of the above paragraph, I do have one more awesome story to share! On Facebook, there is a Christian page I'm a fan of on their called "Teen Jesus Freaks". There's a guy on there that joined only to bash and challenge Christianity. He's an atheist and he demands for the Christians on the page to "prove" the validity of the Bible and the words of Jesus. He is definitely hard-hearted and at enmity with God. I started talking to him on there and gave him some cool facts (scientifically and historically supported) that support the validity of the Bible. The thing is, no matter how many or how good the facts were, this guy tried wiggling around them and finding articles online that "refute" these claims I was making. Long story short, I ended up telling him that no matter what I tell him, he won't believe because his heart is hard and at enmity towards the things of God; that it (Christianity) requires faith, just like atheism does; and I proceeded to present the Gospel to him. I challenged him to read the Gospel of John and read it for himself and left it at that. It was a super long post, so I hope the words penetrated him and I still pray for him today. Oh, and he lives in Germany, which is pretty awesome! People might criticize me for what I did. But you know what? He's a real person just like you and me and is in need of God's saving grace just like anyone else! And I feel I did my part and now it's up to God to go from there :)

   This post doesn't even begin cover everything that has happened between the last post 'til now, but I sure hope this gives you all an idea of what is happening in my life. :)

September 13, 2011

Where Will I Go From Here?

I think it's amazing how God not only works everything out for our good and His glory, but also how He reassures us when we're on the right track! Today the youth ministry at my church started an awesome Bible study/outreach ministry program called the Beautiful Feet Initiative. It's for middle-schoolers and high-schoolers that are interested in studying the Word of God and also getting a chance to share the Gospel with those who don't know Jesus. Not only that, but it also invites anyone who doesn't know Jesus to join and they can hear the Gospel as well! You see, when I started volunteering at church, I had no idea that I would get a chance to really work with teens and pre-teens already! I'm gonna be starting my Biblical education in a few months and I'm already getting hands-on experience in youth ministry! I think to myself, "if it really wasn't in God's plan to have me go into youth ministry, then why open all of these doors and opportunities?" It's almost like He's walking ahead of me and saying, "Here, Zeth! I opened another door for you!" I'm pretty sure that's how it's going too!

So, being that tonight was the first night of B.F.I., it seemed, to me anyway, that it was kind of a little out of control, but it was fun all the same! Middle-schoolers can be a challenge for sure, but I really enjoy working with them! I can't wait to see what God does with this ministry and where He will lead me from here! I'm amazed at how everything is unfolding one by one!

Earlier today I was thinking about my career path and what I would be doing as a youth pastor and man let me tell you, it's gonna be tough, but so worth it in the end! I honestly can't see myself doing anything else that is not directly ministry-related! It's cool that I'm already putting my foot through that door and even cooler that I can be the hands and feet of Jesus everywhere else as well! And the more I think of it, the more I realize that this life is about nobody else but Jesus and the Gospel! That's all. Why focus on anything else when I already have everything?

Daily I make the effort to constantly make Jesus everything in my life, not just an aspect or part of my life. Jesus is my life! I still fail at times and I might miss opportunities to show His love instead of just proclaiming it, but I ask for forgiveness when I fail and for strength to do it next time! Like the apostle Paul says in Philippians 3, I say "Brothers (and sisters), I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

September 10, 2011

So Much Time, So Many Problems, So Much God!

Wow, lately I've just been feeling so drained. Although, I can't really understand why because I've been getting to bed at the normal time, but I still wake up tired. In turn, it makes me feel unmotivated during the day, which is a feeling I hate :P

But among my "issues", I still live life. School is going by and it's not such a bad semester. Considering I was taking 5 classes and working 20 hours a week last semester, it's nice to have to only take 2 classes this semester! Granted, it's still tiring at times. Knowing that this is my final semester for my A.A. is a very encouraging and sobering thought! The only problem is that it gives me the mentality that "it's almost done" and I begin to slack a bit, which doesn't benefit me. Even though it feels like a big "problem" for me, I know that this semester is small compared to what God has in store for me!

Time flies. My goodness, does it! I was just discussing with a friend this week that 2 years has brought on a lot of changes. I'm blown away by all the marriages that have happened right before my eyes, especially seeing friends that I have known for many years get married. It's a weird thought, but man, it makes me really think about growing up. No matter how much we may not want to get old, it is inevitable and we have to conform to it eventually. I'm conforming more and more when life unfolds. Partly because I'm excited and partly because I give in to the inevitable. But truly, I can't wait to see what God has in store! He has blown me away in just the past two years, imagine what He will do in the next 10 years!

With every good thing that comes our way, there is always some bad things to accompany it; it's just up to us on how we take it. I, for one, do not want to sulk in my sorrows. The apostle Paul never did. In fact, God said to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Paul's response to that wasn't, "Crap! Come on, God! Seriously? Why can't Your power be made perfect in my strength and good times?" Paul's response was, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions. For when I am weak, then I am strong." That is totally not my initial response! But I sure would love for it to be! I mean to think, God uses the weak times in our life over our best and strong times! And why is that? Because He is glorified when people see that we are not working on our own strength! And I want God to be glorified!

On the outside, I may look like I have it all together, but let me assure you, I don't. I am imperfect just like everyone else; I sin just like everyone else; I go through difficulties just everyone else; I am in need of Jesus just like everyone else. Right now I'm going through some difficulties that I sure hope glorifies God! I never did and still don't have an easy life, but I'd rather have difficulties and have Jesus by my side than have an easy life without Jesus! For those of you who read this, pray for me. I need a lot of strength to overcome a lot and I can only do that with Jesus and your prayers! And through all of this, I still say: God is good, all the time!

August 29, 2011

So Exciting!

Hey all! Today is my birthday! I usually don't like bringing that up to people or even getting a bunch of attention because of it, but today (or at least this morning for sure) I've just been very thankful to God for so much! Not that I never thank Him on a regular basis (because I always do), but today is kinda special. Strangely enough, I turned 20, and I've never really been much of a person that likes getting older. It was always a depressing thought. Maybe it's maturity or maybe it's God working certain desires into my heart, but I think it is quite exciting to hit 20! I know that might sound crazy, but it's such a cool thought that God has abundantly blessed me with 20 years of life and right now, everything seems to be unfolding right in front of my eyes! Basically, God has taken His hand (since the beginning) and is guiding me along a road that requires me to have a lot of faith in what He's doing! Since I'm 20, it means I'm that much closer to getting my Bachelor's degree; I'm that much closer to getting into full-time ministry; I'm that much closer to getting married; and I'm that much closer to raising a family in the Lord! I know it means that I'm going to have to wait for a while, but I know it will be worth it, especially when it's in God's perfect timing!

You know what's neat? When I look at every aspect of my life, I can totally see how God is working all these little things together. He's got a plan and He only knows how to get there; He just requires that I trust Him and it will all work out! Easier said than done though. I've blown it a few times, but interestingly enough, He's given me second chances, sometimes even third chances, to try again and I've (with His strength) succeeded! Now I can see how it all works together! Granted, there are still many things He's working on in my life and there will be times that I'm gonna doubt. But with faith, trust, and perseverence, I know He'll guide me perfectly!

I'm just so thankful that through the years, God has really brought a lot of people into my life! Some have been for a season, others, hopefully for a lifetime! But each person has affected my life positively in one way or another and I'm grateful for them and God! I would not be the person I am right now without some of the people God has blessed me with! And at the right time in my life, God saw fit to bring the particular ones in! Looking back, I can see it as plain as day!

Growing up can be a scary thought for sure, but it can also be exciting! Especially if you know Jesus and are following Him! His hand is upon you and me and He will guide you in the way you should go, even if it doesn't make much sense! Until I got to where I am now, nothing really made sense, but now it does! So far, 20 years have gone by and God has been in the midst of it all! I see how good of a God He really is! Where will I be in the next 20 years? Only God knows and I can only faithfully wait, serve, and see where that will be! :)

August 25, 2011

I'm Not in Control. God Is!

I have a lot to do today, but I felt it wouldn't hurt to update you guys on what God has been doing the past few days!

God is good! You might hear that phrase all the time and not think much of it anymore. But have you really thought about it? How awesome it is to know that the Creator of the universe and the Creator of you, your heart, mind, dreams, aspirations, and spirit loves knowing you intimately and is intricately in control of your life! After hearing that, "God is good" seems like a phrase that just can't quite capture the true essence of who God is, which makes Him even more wonderful!!!

This past week, God has really shown me that He's got everything in His hands and that I shouldn't worry about whether I'll be provided for. The "Worry" passage in Matthew chapter 6 really rang true for me this week! As you all know, God has been leading me into youth ministry, but I just wasn't sure how I'd get there. I needed education and college was way out of my budget. I had found a free online Bible College, but it wouldn't meet my needs entirely. But God pulled through and opened a door to Trinity Seminary! The classes are online (which I needed so that I can keep my current job and still make money to afford "going" to this college) and they have a Bachelor's program in Youth Ministry! IT is super affordable because they have a deal going on until the end of this month! I had been praying long before about all this, so I knew this is where God had me headed! Well, long story short, I applied this week and was accepted!! Lord willing, I start classes in the Spring!

Granted, it is going to take a little more time to complete the degree than normal due to affordability. I have about 20 more classes to take (I got most the general requirements out of the way) and they have a "planned path" I can take. Basically, I can take 4 classes at a time and finish them in one year, instead of the typical 4 months! But of course, this will result in the process to get my Bachelor's degree to take 5 years or so :P I also have to get a second job too, but I trust that God will provide that in His timing! If He opens a door like this (the college), then I know He will provide me with the right job! It is truly amazing to see everything fall into place so perfectly! I just KNOW it is all God!!

I'm the kind of person where I love to hear other people's stories of God working in, around, and/or through their lives! I find it empowering and just reassuring that He's got it all in His hands! Yesterday I had that chance to hear how God is working in someone's life (my friend Sarah)! It was just the coolest thing to hear and, I don't know, I guess I'm just at a loss for words 'cause that's how God usually leaves me after He's done something too amazing for my finite mind to handle! Yesterday was too cool of a day and I got to see how God has His hand on ALL aspects of my life! I see many things in a whole different light because of the maturity He has developed in me over time! My priorities list has taken shape and is better listed now!

The word that God has instilled upon my heart recently has been "wait". I've blown the waiting game so many times, but He seems to give me other chances to make up for the previous mistakes. I've waited recently and God provided! Now He's asking me to wait again and I will listen because I see what happens if I wait! Sometimes He has us wait for a day, a month, a year, or maybe many years! Personally, I have many years to wait, but while I am waiting, I'm gonna enjoy the journey and see what amazing things He does and how He blesses me in the process!

God is totally in control!

Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Isaiah 55:8,9- "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

August 18, 2011

God, Changes, and Decisions

From August of 2010 to August of 2011, I have experienced a lot of different changes in my life. Not only did I experience changes out of my control, but I also experienced changes that God morphed in me. I look back a year ago and see a nearly-nineteen-year-old kid who thinks he knows what growing up is like. A kid who thinks that he's got things figured out. A kid who thinks he's maturing a lot. Hindsight is 20/20, and when I look back, I can see that I didn't know what growing up was like, I didn't have things figured out, and I wasn't maturing in the way I thought I was. God sure has an interesting way of growing us. Even though I don't normally like it, I know it's good for me. It teaches me a lot about trusting His timing. And that annoys me sometimes. His timing. I don't know about you, but doesn't hearing that phrase sometimes make you cringe? It does to me, especially when I think I know what's best. I'll be honest, it is tough for me to trust God at times. I won't deny it. Who doesn't have a tough time with trusting God? I think it's natural for our response to God to be, "God, I'm sorry, but I don't understand why You're doing what You're doing. Why don't You try this? It might be better!" Just because it's our natural response though, doesn't mean it is the right response. I'm currently working on that right now.

Have you ever been in a situation where you're not sure if you should do something in your own power and it seems like God isn't revealing that answer to you? (Obviously, this isn't a hypothetical situation that I'm referring to) It's frustrating, I tell you! It drives me nuts, but then I feel if I actually do something about it, I'll blow everything out of proportion and ruin what I have. Recently, God has been pressing a lot on my heart; about my life and others in my life. I'm trying to sort everything out in my heart, but sometimes I feel as if I'm wasting time. I ask and pray and ask and pray and ask again, but what answer am I looking for? I don't even know. Although, the one word that I have been hearing a lot is "wait". Wait. I have a strange disliking for that word. It means I can't do/or get what I want or what I think what's best for me right now. It means I have to hang around and see what God does. But when is He going to do anything? And am I going to like it or not? It's almost like I'm in suspense or something and I've never been much of a fan of suspense movies :P

So how does this all tie in together? I just know that I see things in a whole different light than before and I know what I gotta do and say. It's just...when? Well, only God can reveal that to me in His timing and I'll have to trust that for now. Easier said than done though...I need His strength and wisdom :)

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Philippians 4:13

August 09, 2011

Exceedingly Good!

I know it has been quite some time since my last post! I could say, "I've been busy", but that would be a lie. I won't deny that it has been busy for me to a degree, but I just didn't know what to really write about without repeating what I have already said. Summer has been going pretty well for me. I passed my Liberal Arts I class over the summer and, Lord willing, I'll be tackling L.A. II over the Fall...yum :P But it's so great to know that I only have two more classes until I get my A.A. degree!! So close! God has really brought me a long way to get here, but at least I made it!

I know I talked about taking some free online Bible College courses next Spring, but now it's possible that those plans might change! I came across Trinity Seminary and they have all online courses! Long story short, from what I can see so far, I can get my Bachelor's Degree in Youth Ministry for around $75 a month!!! Isn't that amazing?!?!?! That would help a lot because then I can stay here, keep my job, and then pay for my schooling! It's an opportunity that I'm not gonna let slide! God has got it all in His hands!

I just wanna take some time to say how thankful I am for what God has done in my life! Granted, I didn't have the greatest childhood, but God used even the worst to produce great results! I would not be where I am today if God didn't bring me through some pretty tough times! And I still continue to grow even now! The "thanks" list could go on for a long time, but I wanna say how especially thankful I am to have my job, education, family, ministry opportunities, and the people who have really changed my life! :D God is exceedingly good! No words can really describe it! And even if I didn't have all these things or people, God would STILL be exceedingly good! Amen? Amen!!

July 05, 2011

God is in Control

I know it has been a while since I've updated. Just been busy with lots of stuff and I barely could think of anything else. I know you all have just been dying to read another blog entry from me, haha! ;)

The past two weeks have been kinda hectic and event-filled (as always seems to be the case). I had a week and a half to do a number of sections in my math course and I'm just finishing it up! In fact, my teacher is giving us an extra day to work on them, which is greatly benefiting me! I'm really hoping to pass this class. As I always say to anyone who asks, I feel like I'm hanging by the skin of my teeth :P The class has gotten a little bit harder, but it is such a relief to know that the final week is only a few days away! Until then, I gotta work hard to finish as much as I can! I thoroughly enjoyed the 4th of July yesterday! I'm so thankful to live in a free country! What a blessing! Not only that, but I have the ultimate freedom ever: freedom in Jesus' blood! I totally thanked God for that yesterday and, of course, the great food! When I see the many blessings we have in this country, I don't see why we complain about anything! Honestly, if we're complaining here, then we're spoiled brats. God has been so good! The least we could do is give Him praise, honor, glory, and our lives in return! And that's what I plan to do! :)

We had lots of rain for the past week and it is such a blessing! I love the rain! Sometimes it can ruin an initial plan for the day, but I see the greatness in it and thank God for the beautiful weather He provides! A few days ago, I got to go on a walk with my sisters in the rain and I couldn't tell you how long it has been since I have done that! Basically, forever ago! haha! Really relaxing though :) One thing I'm gonna try and do everyday, if I can, is go on a walk. Whether it's in the day time or night (I really like both times), I'm gonna get out there. It's basically my time to get out of the house, take my mind off of the craziness of my life and just talk to the Creator of the universe. I love it! Knowing that God really and truly listens to me and cares for me is a real comfort in this hectic and broken world. Knowing that I can cast all of my cares upon Him is an even better comfort! I don't know about you, but I have a knack of taking on too much. I think I put myself through more than I need to. I believe a lot of the things I put myself through are things God will take care of as long as I let Him. And since I do let Him, it takes a lot off me :)

I don't know if you've noticed, but God knows what He's doing. Why is it that I find myself giving Him advice on how to do things when it's clear I have no idea what I'm even talking about? Honestly, looking back in my life, when I look at how God led things in the direction He knows is best, I thank Him for not taking my advice. I can only imagine the outcome of my advice being taken into action...
How peaceful it is to know that God actually knows what is best for me! I merely think I know what's best. In Isaiah 55:8-9, God says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways...As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." What a slap to the face of my I am thinking I can wrap my finite mind around the infinite knowledge and ways of the Creator of everything. What a fool I am for thinking that. God is absolutely amazing and I know (even if I don't fully understand) that He will do what's best and right according to what He knows is best and not just what He thinks He knows!

As always, I'm gonna seek to be more like Christ and live my life here for the sake of the cross and for the life to come! This life is only a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes; why focus on ourselves? Jesus is everything!

June 21, 2011

There Are Only Two Roads...

Have you ever been so thankful for everything that God has provided for you even when you're going through a tough time? Let me tell you, it is absolutely awesome! For the past few days, I haven't been doing well. Let's just say that it looks like I've genetically inherited some disease-ish kinda thing from my dad...In the midst of this trial, I still choose to praise God for the amazing blessings He has bestowed upon me! Another obstacle is in my way, but I choose to glorify Christ and spread the Gospel anyway! I really don't mind suffering as long as I have Jesus!

Man, seriously the fire I have for Christ and the Gospel and knowing Jesus more intimately is huge! It's not some tiny spark, it's a huge flame! I've been praying for the desire to desire Jesus and God has totally answered! I've been so addicted to the Bible too! I have been reading a lot of the New Testament, getting a grasp of where everything is, and trying to equip myself for the time when someone wants to hear the Gospel! I'm gonna be memorizing more Scripture and actively living my life for the sake of Christ! I've been challenged and convicted by what the Scriptures say regarding how believers are to live their lives and quite frankly, I don't see any change in Christians that are in the church these days! The Bible is pretty clear when addressing the fact that Christians are to stand out from the world. In James chapter 4, it says how friendship with the world is hatred toward God. That's pretty serious when you think about it. Many Christians nowadays think they can have the "best of both worlds" and still be "christian enough". According to the Bible, that's not the case. I'm following Jesus the way Scripture says we are ought to. There are only two roads: the narrow road which leads to life, and the wide road that leads to destruction; there is no middle road. I'm taking the narrow road!

I continue to ask for God's guidance and wisdom regarding aspects of my life. Matthew 6:33 comes to mind regarding my needs in this life. In fact, Matthew 6:25-34 all comes to mind, haha! I choose to set my eyes and mind on Christ and sharing the Gospel; God will provide my needs accordingly! What comfort :)

June 16, 2011

It's Summertime! It's Jesus Time!!

Finally summer is here!! That makes me sooo happy! No papers or crazy deadlines! That takes a lot of stress off of me and that's always a  good thing :) Aside from the fact that I'm still going to work and taking a summer class, I think this summer is gonna be quite enjoyable!

Thing is, this summer I don't want it to be about me. Sure, I would absolutely love to go to the beach as often as I can (considering the fact that I have a seriously questionable farmer's tan), go on bike rides, chill and hang out with friends, any summer thing people do. But I feel it would be a waste. I'm here on this earth for such a short time, and that's if I live to 80- or 100-years-old! I could die today or even before the next semester starts! If that were to happen, would God be pleased with the way I spent my free time? I don't think going to the beach while having a blast and getting a tan would please Him. I mean sure, it's fine to have fun and there's nothing wrong with it, but since we are here for a greater purpose, I wouldn't want to sit around and have everything be about me. That's the last thing I want.

This summer, I want to sit down and read God's Word. I want to get to know my Lord and Savior better, day by day. I want to worship Him and acknowledge how amazing His love is for me. I want to be more like Him and for others to see the love of Jesus through me! That sure sounds like a much better summer plan to me! In the book of Philippians 3:7-10, Paul says that "whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith." These are words from a man that is in prison and is suffering for the sake of the Gospel and he STILL considers all the good things he had as a loss! How many of us have that attitude? That's the attitude I've been working on. And you know what? The more I get to know Christ, the more I have been seeing how the things this world offers me are pointless when I know Jesus!

So this summer, it's about pleasing and serving Christ in everything I do (as it should always be)! I want to spend time with Him and I want a chance to share the Gospel with someone this summer! I think it's going to be quite an amazing summer, don't you think?

June 11, 2011


Isn't prayer amazing?? Just think: you can freely talk to the God of the universe; the God who created you and knows every single thing about you; the God who cares about every aspect of your life, large and small!! And you can talk to Him anywhere! As believers, I think we tend to forget about the power and amazingness of prayer. I never really realized how much of a part of my life prayer really was until I examined how much I pray! Seriously, I talk to God all day every day! Whatever task I'm in the middle of, I'm talking to God at the same time. I tell Him my struggles, fears, joys, frustrations, problems, etc. I talk to Him about, basically, everything! Not only do I vent, but I constantly ask for wisdom, guidance, and leading. I don't know where I would be if God hadn't led me!

Lately I've been praying pretty hard about a number of things that have been on my mind, even little things! And to know that God cares about all of it is a huge comfort to me! While meeting with the two middle schoolers recently, we went over the subject of prayer. And let me tell you, I learned a lot even though I was the one teaching! In fact, I don't like saying that I'm teaching because I seem to learn more than actually teach, lol! I discovered a lot of things about prayer that just amaze me! And knowing that God won't blab your secrets to everyone and that He will be by your side throughout anything and everything is mind-blowing! How many human beings can you say the same for?

In all things, I encourage you readers to pray! I just felt a need to write this :) Talk to God about whatever is on your mind and ask for His wisdom! He won't disappoint! You can't have a relationship without constant communication! :D

Philippians 4:6-7

June 09, 2011

God is Good! All the Time!

God is good! All the time!

What a simple, but often overlooked truth! I gotta say, if God provides all your needs in every way, shape, and form, how CAN you overlook that? I do have to admit though, I am (most unfortunately) guilty of that at times :P Today I read Psalm 13 and it's about David feeling like God is not paying attention to him and that He isn't gonna pull through during the hard times he was going through, but then David thinks about how God has pulled through and provided in numerous occasions and he praises Him for that! Well right now, I feel quite like David in that chapter. In fact, how many of us DON'T feel like that at times?? God really does have a different way of doing things than us. Sometimes it's frustrating and you just want to rip your hair out because of the "God, You're going too slow" feeling. As humans (and especially in this day and age), we just want things the way we want it and now. Just look at fast food, high speed internet (even internet on phones), and overnight shipping! It's no wonder we can't utilize patience and contentment! As christians, that just makes it more of a challenge, but I know it's possible to do...just not on our own! :P

I swear I sound like a broken record, but seriously, life can just be difficult and annoying at times! Especially thinking about the future! There is sooo much to think about and seemingly so little time! (You're probably thinking, "Oh dear, here he goes again..."). But really, even though I may sound confident in where God is leading me in life, I never fully am until I have reached that point. Even when it seems like God has made something "crystal clear" or "undoubtedly revealed", I STILL pray about the matter anyways! I think if we're trusting God to lead us to where He wants us in life, we should ALWAYS pray for His guidance and wisdom, even when we already feel sure. If you have everything figured're not human! haha! I thought so many times God was showing me something or revealed something to me and it ended up changing at some point. I kinda learned from there on, to be honest, lol! God has a way of flipping things around if He desires and if you're not ready, or not expecting it, you're going to be in for a real shock! Basically, never say "never"! And I'm not referring to Justin Bieber, hahaha!!

The discipling I'm doing is going pretty well, but I have to admit, it is hard to get into the mindset of a middle schooler when you feel so past that age, lol! My thinking and personality are so different that I feel like I just can't relate to them. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love discipling, but perhaps middle schoolers aren't "my thing". The problem is, I can't really do high schoolers at the moment because I'm so close in age with them, so that's why I think middle schoolers are the better choice for now. I also still pray if this is what God wants me to do right now. 'Cause honestly, I'm not really sure if I should be discipling at the moment. As I said, I still pray about something even when it seems all "put together", because you never know. If you still don't ask for God's guidance all because you think He's totally revealed something to you, you could be totally missing out on something else God is showing or revealing to you, and that (in my opinion) is a great loss! Sadly, it is quite easy to do...I'm trying to get out of that.

Man, seriously, growing up can be a real pain...there is so much to think about and to consider as you "come of age", so to speak. I'm almost done with my AA degree, but that means I have to think about what I want to do afterwards (or more importantly, what God wants for me!). I'm currently thinking of a second part-time job and, actually, marriage, lol! Obviously I'm not going to get married now, but man, I am really reaching that age and it seems time to really be thinking about it :/ There's so much to consider with that and that's in addition to thinking about my career! Man, I'm driving myself nuts just thinking about thinking it! lol! The thing is, I know God has someone out there for me (if it's His will for me to even get married at some point), but I still have a problem with patiently waiting! :P Oh well, there's really nothing else for me to do, but pray for His will and guidance :)

I'm still psyched about going into ministry! It is said that ministry doesn't pay well, which is true, but I think it would be not only rewarding, but also amazing to see God pull through and provide all the needs, even if you don't have a lot of money! Personally, I would rather make zero dollars and see God provide my every need than to have all the money in the world, but miss out on God working! That would be quite a loss and I don't plan on giving in to that! I have talked to people in ministry and they have told me soooo many awesome stories about how God pulled through, sometimes even at the last minute! To hear about His protection and provision is sooo inspiring and just, I don't know, no words can even describe how I feel with that!

So even though I know God is leading me into youth ministry, I'm still praying and asking for guidance about it because you never know if that could very well change; it could even be something similar, but not exactly what I initially thought. And if so, I know His hands will be upon the situation anyway, so that is extremely comforting to know!!

God is good! All the time!! :)

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

May 31, 2011

So Much on My Mind...

Have you ever noticed that sometimes God never makes sense? That seems to be the case for me recently. He sure knows how to keep me on the edge of my seat! At times it's kinda exciting and I can enjoy it, but other times it's annoying and I just want it to stop. When will the shifting sand ever settle? I have a feeling that it won't be super soon :P

So I had a pretty sweet Memorial Day. Spent it with family and ate to my heart's and stomach's content! And all the while I was thanking God for the freedom I have in this country and the freedom I have in Him! I can never fully comprehend that fact: God loving me to the point that He would not only die for me, but die a long and torturous death. Tough to swallow. And I'm not too sure if I could actually die a torturous death for somebody...I'm glad He did though :)

Today I met with only one of the middle schoolers, so it was cool to have the lesson and hang out one-on-one! I did the lesson on prayer and let me tell you, I never knew I could not only learn, but also be convicted by a lesson I put together! God really likes to speak in crazy ways if He wants to! I mean, today, I never thought too hard about prayer until I (ironically) prayed about it and read God's Word. It made me think about the simplicity yet the power prayer really has! And also, it made me think of where my heart and motives are when praying for something or someone. Convicting stuff, but also so amazing!

A lot has been on my mind recently and I honestly don't know what to do with the thoughts! I do cast them at God's feet on a daily basis, but there are just some things that can't leave my mind because I know it is my duty to deal with them one-on-one. I'm not thrilled about it, but at the same time I know it needs to be done.

Strangely, one of the biggest lessons I'm learning right now is love. I'm not talking about "baby" this and  "baby" that; chocolates, roses, fancy dinners; love letters, hand-holding, kissing. I am talking about "Love". Agape. Sacrificial, true love. The love that Christ showed us. The love that holds all real relationships together. The love that says "I care about you from the deepest part of my being and I would die for you if that's what it takes". Love that has nothing to do with you, but the other person entirely. Love that desires to see a person through the toughest of times. Love that is always by one's side even when the night is the blackest it has been. Love that looks beyond all feelings and that comes straight from God. Sadly, it is rare and this world makes true love harder and harder to find. It confuses the youngest and oldest of souls alike. It can push two people apart when true love actually glues them together. This world doesn't make anything easier. It's a broken world. What does one expect? I'm convinced that the only way we can experience true love in its absolute, genuine form is through Jesus' love. It's an example that is tough to follow at times, but it's the reason we are alive and the reason we are to live. The lesson of love is one that will take a lifetime to learn, but I am determined to understand and live it to the best of my ability and God's overall strength.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"When will Fear and Darkness flee
When will we begin to see
That there is Something great out there
A Love that goes where no one dares?"-Unknown

May 27, 2011

Why Worry? God Provides!

So much has been going on lately! I mean really, it can be quite amazing how one second your life is kinda slow in a sense and then BOOM! things pick up again! I'm not saying it's always enjoyable, but it can be quite overwhelming and interesting at times :P

I finally started my online summer class, which is turning out to be pretty easy at the moment, but I don't want to speak too soon, you know? So far it's actually been math that I actually am going to use! I guess I have been so used to stupid Algebra that I forgot what REAL math is! But for sure, I'll be done before I know it!

I now have a new obsession and I am enjoying it! I'm now hooked on the show CSI: Miami! I know it's kinda random, but one day I was thinking to myself, "Hmmm, what should I watch on Youtube?". I then remembered that me and Sarah were talking about Law and Order, CSI, Criminal Minds, and the like. I then thought, "I'll watch CSI!" And so now, I'm liking it! Now I'm thinking of buying the first season on DVD because I can't find any more available season 1 episodes online :P How dumb is that?? lol! But it's all good I guess...haha!

Man, this summer better kick in soon! I think, or at least I hope, it will be a good one! I can't count on it, but a man can hope, can he? Unfortunately, I can already think of a few things that are gonna mess up my summer right now, but I'm not gonna think too much about it right now, which I think is a wise choice :) I'm quite optimistic, which at times can feel like a curse, but I figure it this way, "better that than being so negative all the time".

Have you ever prayed to God like crazy about something?? Not something for you to gain (in fact it's the opposite), but for someone else's gain? Yeah, that's what I'm experiencing right now... I won't go into details, but I'm just concerned about something that has been bothering me like crazy for the past few days :P I'm trusting that God will work things out perfectly and it will all be okay :) That's all I can really do...well...not entirely, but mostly.

Last, but not least, a pretty huge thing happened this week that I'm so excited about!! Well, you all know that I've been interested in going to a Bible college in order to get the education and training I need for youth ministry, but the only problem was that it is pricey. Not only that, but also I needed to somehow keep my job, otherwise I would pretty much be stuck. I know God could provide all of that, but I needed something convenient, so I asked Him to provide an opportunity for me to get the education I need for an affordable price and, preferably, maybe even online. Some Bible colleges offer only a few course online, but not every single one. Well, in a last attempt to find something, I Googled "Online Bible/colleges" and you know what I found? An online Bible college! Typical result, I know. Now it's not your ordinary Bible college, but I read into it and even wrote the president of the place. Basically, it's an all online university that offers all of the same classes any other Bible college offers in an AA degree in Biblical Studies plus more that train in ministry! But here's the kicker: it's all FREE! Yes, I know, it's sounds kinda sketchy, so I prayed about it, read about it, and asked questions to the president of this program. This is their ministry. What they focus on is actually training people for ministry. Not just head knowledge, but real training as well as knowledge! They really focus on "equipping the saints". Basically, if I were to do these courses, it would take about two years to complete everything; it's all online; I would get to keep my job, which means I would get to keep my car; I could stay home and get to be with friends and family and not have to spend any money on the classes. So, if it turns out to be a dud, I won't waste any money, which obviously is great! :D So, once I finish my AA degree at SPC this fall, I plan on starting these courses next spring semester, Lord willing of course! It's an amazing opportunity God has opened up! It may not be the number 1 path people interested in going into ministry would take, but there isn't just ONE solution for every person desiring to get into ministry. We'll see where God takes this. I'm still continuously praying :)

God really does provide for our every need :)

Matthew 6:25-34

May 17, 2011

A Journey I Still Want to Take

It feels like a lot is going on in my life recently, but really I think it's all in my head :P I started my summer class yesterday, but technically I actually started really working on it today, haha! I'm taking Liberal Arts I so it's not a big deal. Pretty easy stuff because it's not Algebra, lol! I can't wait until I'm done with it so I can enjoy the remainder of my summer! Sarah and I plan on playing racquetball at least once a week and maybe more! I can't wait 'til we start because I could use a good workout and she could use a good owning in a game ;D haha! We were gonna go mini-golfing on Sunday, but it didn't work out, so we went to play yesterday, but it looked a lot like it was gonna rain, but apparently it didn't, lol! Typical :P So we went to the mall to hang out. It was fun!

I met with the middle-schoolers again tonight and it was successful again! I really enjoyed just loving them again :) There was another boy who came only because he was dropped off way too early for whatever it was he wanted to go to at the church. So I had him along. I don't even remember what his name was, haha! It made it a bit of a challenge, but it all worked out anyway :)

I'm still continuing to ask God for guidance in my career. Well actually, I'm asking for guidance in EVERYTHING in my life! It's tough. I feel kinda stuck most of the time and not sure what to really do or where to go. A lot is going through my mind and I can't sort it all out at once. Seriously, everywhere I turn, an emotional roller coaster ride is waiting for me. I'm not too much of a fan of that since most of it results in confusion one way or another :/ I'm really feeling uneasy in a number of situations in my life, but I'm trusting God to work things out according to His will :) We'll see!

Today I took my sister to Burlington coat factory so she could find some clothes and I ended up buying a shirt and a pair of shorts! What was awesome is that the shorts were originally $40 and I paid $10!!! The shirt was also originally $40, but I paid $7!! Seriously, there were A LOT of clothes I wanted to buy and could afford, but I didn't have enough money with me :P I think I found my new shopping place, lol! There was also a $10 pair of skinny jeans that were my size, but purple isn't my thing, haha! I'm probably gonna change up my wardrobe a bit now that I can actually afford it! :D

For those of you reading this, I could use a lot of prayer, as usual. Life is quite a journey, I can tell you that, but I'm also excited about continuing it!

Matthew 6:25-34

May 11, 2011

Looking Ahead, but Living Now

I haven't been getting the best amount of sleep lately, but hopefully that will change soon! Throughout the day I'm so tempted to have coffee, but I know that it definitely takes a toll on my sleep pattern later on and that's the last thing I need at the moment :P And it's not like I go to bed late and get up early. Usually I go to bed pretty early (around 10:30 to 11 p.m.), but it seems like my body already has a schedule of its own and it's not letting me in on it! I start beginning to feel sleepy around 2 a.m. and after walking up a few times during the night, I get up at 9:30 a.m. I know that's late for some of you, but that is pretty early for me, lol! I believe what keeps me up late at night is that the fact that I am always thinking. Thinking about where I am in my life. Thinking about where I am going in my life. Thinking about God's overall plan for my life. Thinking about things a little too early. But not only do I think at night, but I also pray a lot. I pray for guidance, wisdom, knowledge, and of course I pray for those whom I care about :) Maybe I need to cut back on praying, haha!

So this past Tuesday, I met with those two middle school boys again and this time it went much better! I put together a better lesson plan. But you know what? My youth pastor told me something that I sure won't forget. He said that it doesn't matter how much theology I discuss with them. What matters more is loving just like Jesus did and does. Wow! Seriously that really put my perspective back in place. And what's more? I got to talk with a friend of mine, Alex (the former youth pastor's son), while he's visiting for a few weeks and you know what he said in response to me telling him about the discipling I'm doing? "That's awesome man! The church really needs more people doing that! What's so great is that you just love the kids, just like Jesus, man! It's awesome!" He had such passion telling me this that it greatly inspired me! It really ignited the Holy Spirit in me again! I'm really bummed that I had never really talked to Alex as much until now. We have a lot in common regarding ministry and it's just incredible! Hopefully we'll get to talk more often, but it'll be a little tough considering that he now lives on Catalina Island off the coast of California! Seriously, being around Alex, you totally see Jesus living through him! It's crazy and awesome! I hope that one day people will hang around me and see Jesus living through me! That would be totally awesome!

My passion for youth ministry kinda felt like it was dwindling, but man, it's been reignited! Sometimes we just need a little boost when we don't feel too hot about ourselves. And a lot of times that passion we get reignited in us reignites someone else's passion as well! It's seems to be very contagious! :)
I'm still constantly praying for God's guidance to where I should go. It's tough to figure out on my own. One thing is for sure: I tend to look too far ahead into the future. Not worrying, but planning, or at least seeing where I'm headed. I take a lot the future aspects of my life seriously. All I wanna do is what's right and best for me according to God's Will. So far, He's coming through...

May 05, 2011

It's All Unfolding...

Isn't it weird how sometimes your life seems to unfold in front of you, yet at the same time it seems to fold up as well? Yeah, that's what it's like for me. Lots of new things going on, other things closing up. Quite honestly, I never really know where my life is going. I can speculate, guess, and dream, but it always has a way of working out in the end, one way or another. God, as always, has been doing some amazing things recently. The way things have been coming together boggles my mind and it makes me ask Him,"So, what are you up to? 'Cause I know it's not random."

Boy, oh boy! I am just getting older and older, I tell you! The responsibilities and the accomplishments seem to keep reminding me that I can't be young forever. That can be a depressing thought, yet it also can be exciting! I finally finished this school semester and somehow I passed all five of my classes! It sure was a tough year, but I got through and now I'm looking ahead to what's next on the "agenda". This semester was the reason why I barely updated this blog, that's how busy I was! But it sure feels great to look back and say, "Wow! I did all that work? What an accomplishment!" I only have three more classes until I acquire my AA degree, so now I'm trying to think of where to go from then on. There is so much on my mind and the last thing I want to do is drive myself crazy!

This past Tuesday I started the discipling with those two middle schoolers I mentioned! Honestly, it was a poorly put together Bible study, but at least I got acquointed with them. After it was over, I kinda felt discouraged. I felt like I didn't do a great job and that I didn't accomplish anything. But then again, I know it's God who really does the work and accomplishing and I'm merely the hollow vessel being used. I try to remember that it was the first day, I'm new to it, and Satan is gonna do whatever he can to discourage me. The thing is: I'm not going to let that happen! Hopefully next week will turn out better! I'm gonna trust God with it all the way!

You know? Sometimes it feels like my life is a soap opera. I mean, it doesn't have any extreme drama, but it sure does have so many unexpected twists that I'm sure soap opera addicts would get hooked to my show instantly! I guess it's all part of the "fun" though. It keeps life interesting that's for sure! Lots of new things unfolding; can't wait to see the entire picture in the end!

April 20, 2011

Looking Up But Walking Ahead

Wow! It sure has been quite a long time since my last update! The reason being I have been CRAZY busy with soooo much schoolwork! The end of the semester is nearing and now all the big projects and assignments are coming together at one time. That is not cool at all :P Fortunately I'm doing pretty well with Algebra and Humanities (shocking, I know), but Oceanography does not have a particular liking to me, or me to it. Either way, it has been difficult balancing the amount of work for all classes and understanding the content all together. I got "F"s on my last two tests (and I'm not proud of it), but hopefully I'll do well on the last few assignments, exam, and the final project! I think I'll be fine with Psychology. It's not too difficult at the moment and the big stuff (save the final exam) are already out of the way.

Lately, I haven't been spending time in the Word and that for sure I am not proud of! With so much busyness and spending quality time with family and friends, it has been tough :P In fact, technically, I could be in it right now, but at least I spend time in prayer all the time, so it's not like God is entirely out of the picture; not by a long shot! I'm hoping to get back into the habit once again :) For the moment, I just wanted to update.

If anyone says that God doesn't care about the little things in your life, they are wrong! God cares so deeply and intimately about EVERYTHING in your life and you!! Just read Psalm 139 and you'll see! Recently, God has pulled together what I thought was chaos into now what I see was (and is) a lesson! Hindsight is 20/20 and that is absolutely true! I questioned what God was up to, but then I submitted myself to Him and He took control from there! Let me just say that things are really looking up again for me and others around me!

And about the discipleship I want to be doing, I'm not sure how it's going to go yet. Lord willing, I will be getting some "training" (not the most in-depth, but sufficient enough) in the New Testament, but I haven't gotten a call back in almost a week. Part of me is wondering if this is a good idea now or not. I don't know. I was so sure, but then I think my excitement kinda got the best of me and now I've put myself in a spot that I feel I don't belong in. Maybe not though. I've been praying and asking God if I should follow through with the plan, but no signifcant answers are showing. And now I don't even know if I want to go to a Bible college! It's like I'm sure and unsure at the same time of where I should go in my life. It's confusing and annoying. I'm starting to think that more prayer needs to be involved and less action at the moment...

April 04, 2011


So now I'm back on Facebook and surprisingly I haven't been on it as much as before! Maybe it's because I got used to not going on it the past week? I'd like to think so!

During that time I focused on my schoolwork (boy was it stressful!) and I spent a lot of my time praying and getting into God's Word. Although, I wasn't in the Word as much as I hoped, but at least I talked to God throughout every day :) Putting away a distraction like Facebook was pretty sweet! I'm thinking once summer comes around officially (basically when school's out), I might be off it some more and try to hang out in person with friends and family. I think that would be nice! But for now, some of my friends' only way of communication with me is through Facebook, so it makes it a kind of convenience at the moment.

This past week was pretty insane! Never had a tornado alert issued over the loudspeaker at the library! In fact, they said it was the first time they ever had to do that, so I felt honored and privileged to a part of it, lol! It was kinda scary though because the clouds were really black and I knew something was up, or coming down. Then we gathered everyone that was in the library into the hallways, away from all the windows, and just waited for the storm to pass. I then texted friends and family who were unaware of the situation and let them know to take cover. It was scary. But it all turned out well :) A side story though: there was a guy there who was still on the computer while we told everyone to get off and get into the hallway, so we told him that it's not a drill and he had to get off right now. He got all mad and then complied and went into the hallway where he started complaining about how ridiculous this was because he was in the middle of watching a movie. Are you serious? Kinda messed up if you ask me, but whatever :P

Yesterday (Sunday April 3), I read a book called "Go Ask Alice". It's the real diary of a girl who gets addicted to drugs and it is absolutely eye-opening! Considering I'm getting into youth ministry, I wanted to read it in order to get a grasp of the crazy things teens are into nowadays and to understand what goes on in the world. In fact, the girl who wrote the diary, lived in the 60s, so even then teens were into messed up things! I encourage anyone to read the book, but be forewarned: there are very disturbing situations talked about and some heavy language is used in some of the entries. And what makes it actually sad is that this diary is of a real person; the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and circumstances. It made it more real to me. A very powerful book indeed; definitely hard to swallow.

And right now, I'm hanging around with gauze in my mouth because I got my wisdom teeth pulled today. I was scared at first, but I trusted God and asked for peace, which I got (but it may have been the nitrous oxide or the anesthsia, lol). Either way, I wasn't nervous before I got the laughing gas, so definitely a God thing :) So far the bleeding hasn't stopped and it's been ten and a half hours, but it is getting better! The pain is no fun either. But at least I'm missing school this week and I can just chill for now. I'm actually putting together a Bible study for me and my friend, so I'm having a fun time putting it together and asking the Holy Spirit for guidance. It's amazing all the things you can learn from only 10 verses!! The Bible is absolutely amazing and I'm just psyched to be getting into it! God is amazing for sure and He always will be!

March 28, 2011

It's Been a While...

Wow, it's been a while! I'm not sure what in the world was keeping me from updating for the past few days, but whatever it was, it sure did, haha! Well, quite honestly, there isn't a whole bunch to update on, which is surprising (considering the fact that it has been like a week), but there are still a few things. Last week was the busiest academic week I had and I thought I wasn't going to finish everything in time, but I somehow pulled it off two days prior to Sunday, so that made me quite happy! I was most impressed with my most amazing feat of writing my Humanities paper in two days and getting an A on it :D Pretty cool stuff though. I also had to do a post for Oceanography about evolution, so I presented "evidence" that supposedly supported the theory and then pointed out the flaws in the evidence. Usually I was using common sense about how the evidence wasn't adding up, but I did use a lot of scientific answers to refute the evolutionary evidence as well. I thought I was going to get a lot of hate posts against it, but so far none, lol! Also, it was the longest discussion post I did for any class (about 2000+ words)! Pretty exciting, I guess?? Fortunately, this week isn't so bad and I don't have as much to do, so I think the stress level will be relatively low. One of the big things I'm doing right now is staying off of Facebook for at least a week! I started yesterday and plan on going 'til next Sunday. Who knows? I might even go longer ;) The reason why I'm doing this "lent-ish"- type thing is because I have been on Facebook waaaayyy too much lately and it has distracted me from friends, school, and most importantly, my relationship with God, and that's what I wanted to avoid doing. So I figure that being off of Facebook for a week will probably do more good than harm in the long run. The ONLY reason why I might probably go on at least once this week is if/when I update saying that I updated this blog (which I do every time I update this). And if I do that, I won't be looking at notifications, reading friends' comments, accepting friend requests, or reading personal messages. Now Facebook is good and all, but I see one pretty darn major problem with it and it's this: it tends to take away the value of real friendships and communication. Like, sometimes I find it easier to chat with someone on Facebook rather than in-person and what do you think that will do to me in time? Probably give me even more of a problem with socializing and I'm currently trying to work on it, so FB would be pretty counter-productive. But really more importantly, I want to make sure my relationship with God is the top reason for my living here on this earth, not waiting around for a notification. So yeah, that's just me. But if you're like me and you find yourself on FB more than in face-to-face conversation with someone or just not doing anything else BUT that, maybe you should consider being entirely off of FB for a week and see what that does. I have to admit, it is kinda hard right now, but that shows how much I've been attached to it lately. I tend to struggle with idolatry at times and I kinda don't want to fall into right now or ever, you know what I mean? Oh, and I'm going to be preparing for discipleship of a middleschooler. Mainly, I'm going to be reading, interpreting, and learning more about the New Testament; getting a good Biblical foundation. I'm still praying about Bible college in the future, so we'll see how that goes. But I sure would like to go to a Bible college to get even better equipped for ministry. It's exciting though! May God have all the glory and not me :)

March 19, 2011

Just Another Update

So for the past three days I've been sick and not enjoying it at all. Fortunately I completed all the schoolwork I needed to do for the week, so that makes me quite happy amongst the icky feelings :P Today I went to work and it was no fun, but the day passed pretty quickly for me, thus making me deal with the boredom. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but not when I'm sick, lol! It was all good though, and I got to get a little sleep today, although some dude from Louisiana kept calling me so I finally picked up and said that he had the wrong number. That settled that, haha! And last night I was doing a whole bunch of web cam "video blogs", I guess you could call it, in hopes of posting on of them on Facebook, but it never happened, lol! I figured, "I'm home alone, sick, and bored...I'll make a video". And not too long ago I was just reading some old Breakaway magazines that I have and man let me tell you, I love them so much! It's amazing what I learn whenever I open an issue! Pretty sweet for sure! :D

And last night before I went and crashed on my bed out of sheer weakness and stuffy noses, I went to church to meet up with Pastor Tim in order to give him my volunteer papers, so I'm quite psyched about that! :) I'm not sure what God is entirely up to right now, but at least He knows and I trust that whole-heartedly! I still continue to pray daily, asking Him if this is what He wants me to do because my biggest fear (among many of my biggest fears) is not consulting God before making a big decision like this and I just merely want to do the right thing according to His Will :) But I think it would be oxymoronic (if that's even a word) to be fearful over not following God's Will. I mean, shouldn't I NOT be fearful in this situation 'cause, after all, God IS in control. So, I'll definitely work on that :) God is truly amazing and it is totally worth every step of the way when trusting Him :)

March 14, 2011

I'm Not Just Gonna Sit

   So I'm super excited about an awesome opportunity! In about a week or so, I'm gonna get to volunteer at Pathways Community Church discipling a middle-schooler(s)! This is how it all came about:

   Well lately (as you all know because I kept repeating myself, lol) I've been growing more and more passionate about Christ and youth ministry and I would like (and I believe God is calling me) to go into full-time youth ministry in the future. So I've been reading up on ministry and getting counsel about it and just getting the best knowledge that I can. I also have been thinking about going to a Bible college after I get my General AA at SPC and pursuing my AA in Biblical Studies. But all of that seems to be quite some time into the future and I didn't want to just sit there and wait (unless God wanted me to wait and He sure would let me know that) so I thought to myself, "I wonder if there is a way that I can somehow get involved in youth ministry right now; to get some hands-on experience, training, and to just serve in some way." I asked my youth pastor, Tim, if there was any need of volunteers in the ministry (to help disciple teens preferably) and indeed there is! So I got to meet with him today to get to know each other and to discuss ministry (and for me to sign papers, lol). I'm not sure what God is gonna do yet, but I know that if this isn't what He wants me to do, then He will close the door. But so far, it seems to be falling into place and quite frankly, it's kinda scary. Scary in the sense that it's a new thing and this is for real. It's kind of out of the planning process and getting into production now, which is totally different. Of course Satan comes in with attacks like making me doubt that I can handle this or feel like I'm not ready or "cut out" for it. I ignore these doubts and try to focus on God alone because I know that youth ministry is where I'm headed, I just want God's hand to be fully upon me and leading me to where I need to go. We'll see where this leads. And who knows, maybe this could be the start of the rest of my life; happening in a way I never thought possible! Only God and time will tell. In the meantime, I could use lots of prayer for strength, confidence, and complete faith and trust in the works of God, knowing He will supply me everything I need! I'm really excited and nervous, but I know it will be greatly rewarding in the end :)

March 10, 2011

A Missed Chance, But Not the Last

   So yesterday, I did pretty much nothing since I'm on Spring Break and quite honestly, I feel very guilty about it. I always talk about how I want to make the most out of Christ every day of my life and here I was sitting in my room on the computer watching Youtube videos. Yeah, believe it or not, that's what I did practically all day :/ And to think, God blessed me like crazy to live that day and we're made to worship and enjoy Him and we as Christians have the duty of spreading the Gospel of Christ. I did not live that out and I wish so badly that I could that day back and retry it over. And I thought to myself: what if Christ came back at that moment and saw me just watching Youtube videos while I was blessed with a beautiful and free day ahead of me and didn't take that opportunity to go share the Gospel with someone in the community? I don't think He would have been pretty happy with that. I'm not even happy with that! And I know He isn't too pleased with what I did.

   You know? I don't want to just sit around and read books, watch videos, and listen to sermons about living my life for Christ. That's all good, but what good is it if I don't even get out in the world and actually live it out? It's just like what James says in the New Testament, "Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says" (James 1:22). Lately I have been siting around and reading about living for Christ, but I feel like that just isn't enough. And really, it isn't. I wish I didn't have classes during the week when I'd rather spend that time in God's Word and sharing the Gospel, but I guess we have to work with what we already have and find ways to minister to others in our circumstances. And I think to myself, "That's probably why God has me where I am right now; to share the Gospel with someone who normally wouldn't have heard about it if I wasn't there." That's encouraging to think about and I challenge you with that thought as well :)

"Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15-16

March 06, 2011

Following God

   Getting older is no fun. I mean to a point it can be because of the new journey and new responsibilities ahead, but that's just it; new. I'm so used to the way things were back when I was little. And everyone told me to enjoy the years of  "play time" and no college because the rest of your life isn't going be like that. I have now come to treasure those words. Things are different nowadays. Job, school, studying, and a little bit of life's "drama" in the mix as well. It can be scary not knowing what is in store for me...really scary at times. But I trust that God is in the midst of it all and He'll be leading me all the way...the catch? I have to actually follow. As Christians, we talk about following God, we sing about following God, we write Facebook statuses about following God, and, for goodness' sake, we even write blogs about following God. But here's a question: what about following God? I write it that way because we tend to off-handedly say "I'm following God". Saying it is no good really. I can say anything I want without actually doing anything, but it won't make any difference. When we follow God, it doesn't mean consistent church attendance, with bonus points for going to Sunday school earlier in the morning. It doesn't mean going to every youth event in the month, with even a ministry project. It doesn't mean listening only to Christian music or going to a weekly Bible study. Following God is much more than that. For instance, if God said to you, "You want to be a doctor/nurse and you're even going to school for it. But you're not going to be in the medical field professionally. You're going to go to Uganda, live with the people, and help the sick people there. You're not going to have an income. You're not going to have a comfortable place to live. In fact, you're not going to have much at all regarding the materialistic aspect. But you're going to have Me and that's all you need." Could you follow through with that? I mean really think about it, could you? Yes you know you should, but if it really came down to "you're going to give up everything to follow Me and share the Gospel with those who never heard it", could you literally give up everything for that? And maybe it's not about going to another country. Maybe it's about being a part of a ministry here in the U.S. or wherever you live. I ask myself this question all the time. And if it came down to it, I sure hope I would have absolute faith and truly follow through with it. This is what I have been thinking about everyday because I am at an age where new responsibilities and journeys are ahead of me and God is leading the way full throttle. Wherever He tells me to go, I will follow. Even if it makes absolutely no sense as to why I'm going this way or that way. I know it's in His hands at all times, so there really should be no worry. I'm growing up...but it is going to be sooo worth it in the end :) Do you think that?

February 27, 2011


   Sunday mornings are usually the same, bland routine for me every week. I wake up at 9:30, eat and get dressed, and then I'm out the door to go to church. I fellowship and talk with some friends for a while, do some singing, hear a message, and then go home. That's every week for me...and maybe it is for some of you too. I believe that if we continually get caught in this cycle of "going to church on Sunday mornings" and it begins to become some kind of tradition or normal routine (just like going to class during the week), we will get so numb to God as an amazing Creator and Father and He becomes just some "part" of our life. That's not how it should be. Church isn't about hanging out with friends, hearing an amazing band play, or listening to a very enticing (and sometimes humorous) message from the pastor. Don't get me wrong, we need to connect with fellow Christians and worship bands help lead us in worship (in the singing form), and pastors are supposed to teach from the Word. But in this day and age (especially in the American church) it becomes more of a show and social hangout than being a time to spend with our amazing and Almighty God!

   Today I wanted to step away from all of the programmatic aspects of Sunday morning church and just simply spend some one-on-one time with God myself. We were made to worship Him and what better way to do that than being in His creation, with His Word opened on my lap, and just talking to Him? It is amazing! I know I overuse that word, but what else can I really say? The inside of me can't begin to express externally my eternal love for God! So as I was sitting on a bench at the beach (at 8 this morning), I could just see and hear the waves crashing, birds flying by, small clouds in the air, and the sand between my toes. I took in the beauty of what was around and was absolutely astonished by God's greatness. We're always so busy nowadays with school, work, deadlines, finances and the like almost 24/7. Yet, we tend to only "sacrifice" 3 hours of our time with God on Sunday morning. He deserves much more than that for sure! Anything I do for Him never can fulfill what amount He truly deserves, but I can give all the time I can! Today, I just merely talked to God and read His Word and even read some other books that help with my Walk. It was just incredible and I would have loved to been there all day, but it got kinda hot, haha!

   I would love to actually do what I did this morning every Sunday, but of course I need to connect with other believers as well. But I think I'll do it quite often, perhaps every other week ;)
My love for Jesus grew more today and I don't want to limit that to only one time and continue with my life like nothing has changed. In fact, I'm not done today! I'm still gonna spend practically all of my day in my room, praying and reading His Word! I want to pursue Jesus, His Love, and the ministry every day of my life! I don't need anything else in this world, but Him alone!

Spend a one-on one time with Jesus today! You don't have to figure out what to read or pray, just talk to Him and read a passage in the Scriptures, even if it's something you've read many times! Ask Him to reveal something you never saw before in His Word and allow it to work through you! You won't regret it! In fact, you'll find yourself asking, "Why have I not been doing this before??" My prayer is that you who are reading this will experience the love of Christ the way it was meant to be experienced and responded to! :)

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go for to You I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

"Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14

"On my bed I remember You; I think of You through the watches of the night." Psalm 63:6

"'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth.'" Psalm 46:10

February 25, 2011

Real and True Love

   The past few days have been quite amazing yet very stressful. I had lots of work to complete this week (with an unexpected extra assignment tacked on) and I finally finished it all! But that's not the only thing amazing that happened this week. God has been really working in me (I know that I must sound like a broken record by now, but it's true!) and I realized this week just how much of a change I went through and am still going through! Not only have I been getting ever so closer to my Savior and getting to know Him more and more intimately, but also all of the love He has shown me (and just the love He has for me in general) has been welling up in me for so long that now it is pouring out of me and onto other people! This is absolutely amazing and astounding to me!! I'll tell you what happened that made me realize this. Everyone has heard of the St. Pete officer that was killed (David Crawford, I believe) and how the suspect is only 16 years old! That's just crazy! What I used to feel when I heard about things like that was pure and high dislike (hate is a strong word) towards that person. But this time, I felt something different; something that isn't from me; something that I've been missing out on for so many years; something that only God could mold into me: love. Wow. Like, I have never felt pure love and compassion for someone that mercilessly killed a person! And here I am having really sincere compassion on a 16 year old kid that is now a murderer! I never experienced this before and now I am! Do you know what it is that helps me love someone like that? Jesus' love for me. As a human being, I realize that I am no better or more deserving than this kid. I realize that he and I are one in the same: sinners. And by realizing that love God has for me, I now love this kid, no matter what he did! It's amazing! I can't even begin to describe in words how this feels, but I wish everyone could and would experience it! And this love I have, I realize too, is not for just this one boy, but for everyone!! Especially teenagers!! This love for teenagers, the burden for the unsaved, and the desire for getting into ministry has made me see that God, I really believe, is changing me like crazy for youth ministry purposes! And my mind has changed too in the fact that I am ALWAYS thinking about Jesus, His love for me and all humanity, the lost and unsaved and reaching out to them, and the life to come! I now have a constant eternal mindset and perspective! I'm ready to give up anything and everything for Jesus and the work He has for me! And seriously, by definition, I'm obsessed with Jesus and living only for Him no matter what people think of me! :)

February 15, 2011

Seriously, I'm Serious

   As many of you already know, I work at my local library, and we have a system where we can put any particular item on "hold" from another library and it will be shipped to ours to be picked up! A neat system I only have worked with until recently when I actually used it! It was such a great feeling putting David Platt's book Radical on hold (which won't be ready for pick up for at least another week) that I also put three more books on hold: Christless Christianity by Michael Horton, Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry by Doug Fields, and Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Today I picked up Christless Christianity and Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry and let me tell you, amazing books so far!! Christless Christianity is about how the Gospel is slowly being twisted and distorted in our American culture today; a more self-centered, self-pleasing, and self-help Gospel leaving out the saving power of Christ's death and resurrection. Since reading it, I see how some of these "therapies" with a "Christian" label have slowly made their way into churches I have attended! Insane, isn't it? It has opened my eyes to the fact that I even accepted some of the teachings, trusting that the pastor knows better when in actuality, he is even unaware! Crazy stuff!

    But the one book I've been super loving is Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry! Like I told my friend Sarah yesterday, "I'm really serious about getting into youth ministry. I know it's where God has me headed. I'm excited, but also, quite frankly, I'm scared too." There are certain things (like specific biblical education available at Bible colleges) that I have to wait a while for. It makes my impatience skyrocket because I really want to get into Bible college right now! But you know what? I realize that the most important aspect of the path to youth ministry is my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It is super important to mature in my faith and grow spiritually everyday before I start working for the LORD in youth ministry. So right now I'm currently focusing more on Him before I go any further. I also knew that if I am serious about getting into the ministry, I should probably seek some advice from other youth pastors or just pastors in general and read some books on how to start and/or get involved in youth ministry, hence why I have Purpose-Driven Youth Ministry. So it's definitely a process that is going to take some immense time, but it will be well worth the efforts in the end.

   And another thing that is on my mind that I just want to add, I look at how on fire I am for Christ and the ministry and it is, more or less, the opposite of what I was two years ago. I am definitely a different person and much more spiritually-minded than I was in the past. And I sometimes feel that people (saved and unsaved) think that I think I'm better than them because my relationship with Christ is growing and maturing daily. I do not think that I am better than anyone at all because I myself am I sinner and in need of a Savior just like everyone else! And something else my friend Sarah said yesterday has really stuck in my head since then was this: After I said that I don't want people to think that I'm some preacher person who can't have any fun, she said in response, "I don't mind when people think that about me. I like it." How cool of a response is that? She's not here to please others, but doing the Will of Christ! And if that means people thinking ill of her, so be it! Her boldness for her faith inspires, empowers, and influences me daily! Thank you Sarah for being so bold for Christ!!! It has helped me greatly!

   I am serious about youth ministry and it's not just talk! I'm really working towards it; doing what I can for the moment and waiting for God to open doors in the future. But for right now, I'm going to grow in Him and pray and read His Word and get council about how to start a ministry until it's time to move even further! I could use a lot of prayer because I can't do any of this alone. It's exciting, scary, but rewarding :)

February 13, 2011

The Best Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day Eve!

I've never really been much of a Valentine's Day kinda dude, but this year I think it's going to be pretty nice. No, I don't have an official "girlfriend" (like all "lovey-dovey" and such), which to me is quite heartbreaking. But you know what? I'm in the ultimate relationship ever! I'm in a relationship with Jesus!!!  How awesome is that?? My relationship with Christ is honestly better than any relationship I'll ever get into. And that's why I think this V-Day will not be so bad :) It gives me time to focus more on the One who loves me more than any girl ever could! And it's a relationship that I don't have to fear about ending! And quite honestly, for me personally, I believe dating can be highly distracting; taking my focus off of Christ. To me, it's important that I grow in Him first and foremost before getting a girlfriend. I haven't fully gotten out of the "idolizing" stage yet. And perhaps, one day, I will get married to a wonderful God-fearing and God-loving girl; a girl who loves Jesus so much, that she could never, under any circumstance, love me just as much or more; a girl that has the same vision in ministry as I do; a girl that will always love and care for me no matter what idiotic things I do; a girl that is willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the sake of the Gospel; a girl that desires to be more like Christ in everything she does; a girl that will encourage me whenever I am not feeling too great. Is that girl out there? I believe so. Have I already met her? Very possibly. Is she waiting for me and only me? I sure hope so. I know that God will bring her around in due time; I have nothing to worry about :)

I know a lot of single people who wish that they had a boyfriend/girlfriend to be their "valentine" this Valentine's Day, but are depressed that they don't. And if you feel this way, this is what I have to say: if you're a believer in Christ (that is, you have put your faith in Him and asked Him into your heart to be the LORD of your life), that's awesome!!! If you find yourself thinking all too much about getting a girlfriend/boyfriend and less about the relationship you already have with Jesus, you may want to grow more in your relationship with Him before you get involved in a relationship with someone else. Idolatry can consume you so badly that when everything falls apart, you are left more alone than ever..believe me, I've experienced on multiple occasions. And Satan desires for that to happen. Don't give him that foothold! And if you are not a believer in Christ, I highly encourage you to to get to know! For it is the day of salvation! Learn what it means to be saved. Learn what your purpose is in this life. Get into the Ultimate Relationship that can't and never will end no matter what! Don't you want to be with someone that will love and care for you despite the mistakes you make; someone that will not cheat on you; someone that will always be faithful to you and provide your every need; someone that you can TRULY depend on? Then get with Jesus! Seriously, you will NEVER regret the decision...ever!

May you all have a blessed Valentine's Day! Make it the day you grow ever so close to the Creator of the universe! Get into the Best Relationship Ever!!

"It does not do good to dwell on dreams and forget to live." -Albus Dumbledore

February 07, 2011

Let Go and Let God

This school semester is turning out to be my toughest yet! Not only do a majority of my classes have difficult content to comprehend, but they also require a lot of work from me. I guess having 5 classes might play a role as well :P I've got a lot of work ahead of me and not much time for myself or others, which I really don't like. Today I had an Oceanography test and I'm pretty sure I got a D on it; a C if I'm fortunate enough. I hope my whole academic semester doesn't turn out like this. I also got a D on my Psychology test, which I'm not too proud of either. It feels like I'm falling apart educationally and that doesn't comfort me in any way. But God has definitely blessed me with a friend that I can study with, so that gives me hope :) The things is, I don't want to have to put off spending time with my friends, especially best friends, and family, all so I can study. I need to have some kind of recreation time to myself as well, otherwise I'd go insane, you know? This all has caused my motivation to get into God's Word to dwindle a bit and that's not good 'cause that in turn can give Satan the foothold he desires. I've also had a lot on my mind recently...All these changes God has been doing in my life can sure be overwhelming (or seemingly) at times, but I remember that God's Word says that He will never allow anything to happen to us that we can't bear. And Jeremiah 29:11 says that He has a great plan for my life; a plan to give me a hope and a future and not to harm me! What a promise that is! It gives me peace at heart when I remember that promise of His. I know everything will turn out okay, it's just a matter of when and how. But that's where the wonderful virtue of patience comes in (note the sarcasm). Although, I have seen the benefits of patience in my life and let me tell you, it's great! So right now I'm gonna let go and let God! He's got a wonderful plan for me and you! It's time to let it unfold :)